Connect with a Friend

Sooo... as someone who is constantly falling short of her to-do list, I feel like this needs something at the top here. Not so much a trigger warning, but definitely an "it's okay to take small steps" disclaimer of sorts. So... proceed with today's goal (and all of them really) knowing that intention is just as important in self love as ticking that box on your to-do list.

Friends.

I'm gonna come on out and say it. Having friends as an adult can be just plain hard. With the aforementioned and often looming to-do list, making time to connect with the humans in my house, let alone those outside of it, is difficult. I know I've mentioned before that as a GenXer I have a difficult time taking time for me... but connecting with friends has been one of the fastest and surest ways I know to make myself feel like I matter. And no, I'm not reaching out to heave my mental and emotional burdens on another person. Not to get too hokey, but I think my boy Conor Oberst sums me up better than I can:

When everything is lonely

I can be my own best friend

I get a coffee and a paper

Have my own conversations

With the sidewalk and the pigeons

And my window reflection

The mask I polish in the evenings

By the morning looks like shit

"Lua" 2005 by Bright Eyes

Where my Bright Eyes fans at? Seriously, where is everyone? If blasting Cassadaga on road trips is your thing... hit a girl up, we're friends now. Okay... back to me being my own best friend, and how that lonely cycle makes it even more difficult for me to reach out to people that I know love me. I ALWAYS feel like a burden. Unless, of course, I'm feeling like a wizened granny know-it-all. I've said it before: They're called granny panties because they're full of wisdom, y'all. But yeah, it's absolutely one or the other for me: burden or detached know-it-all. Both identities obviously (obviously after decades of therapy) stem from childhood trauma. Feeling like a burden to an impoverished teen mom and super young grandparents... then trying to overcome that overwhelming sense of being a burden by being the smartest, wittiest, bestest at everything... and never missing an opportunity to show off that clever filing cabinet of random facts that was my brain.

That self-awareness sometimes stops me from picking up the phone and texting/calling the very folks who love me despite my weird obsessions, crazy hours, scandalous marriage, PTSD, and fairly staunch political values. Finding your people is hard. Hanging on to them is even harder when life gets busy. Like all good things, it takes effort. Take a minute and think about who makes you laugh, who makes you smile, who makes you feel the warm fuzzies of acceptance and support? Grab your phone and call that person today. Let them hear your voice. Text is great, but a voicemail with a familiar voice is so much better. A quick phone call just to say, "I miss you and have been thinking of you. I really hope you have a great day."- the ripple effects of that good mojo just keep on keepin' on. Besides- who knows... they may very well be thinking of you and smiling, laughing, or feeling all warm and fuzzy. Share that love today.